Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
