you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize