There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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