all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
