I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
