I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
