So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
