I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
