I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
