Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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