the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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