these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
pray to the hookup gods
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
