Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
