Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
