Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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