Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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