thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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