I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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