i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
