just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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