Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
