Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
