is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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