I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
