If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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