the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
of course. lets lasso hookers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
