Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
