Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
