he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
