i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
