New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
