I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We need to rekindle our bromance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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