i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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