You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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