Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
