I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
