if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
