I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
