Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize