now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize