Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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