I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
