We're facebook friends in real life
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
