did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
