I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
