But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
