no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
