Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
