they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
