God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
false alarm, still single
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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