Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
