I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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