Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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