And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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