You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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