This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
