I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
