if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
