Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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