Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
