I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
