i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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