Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
