Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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