I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
