oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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